Something in my life is changing and I want to say I don’t understand, but sadly I do understand oh to well. I am becoming more self conscious and the things that I have naturally been able to do are becoming a real struggle. Let me explain. Much of my life revolves around people, my spiritual and professional life, both involves being not just around people but in leadership positions and in front of sometimes hundreds of people. I find that I no longer want to sing solos or give presentations. I want to fade into the background.
God made me who I am. I have always been a leader and I have never pressed against that, but fear and self consciousness has overwhelmed my sense of being and it is a constant struggle to sing, speak and lead.
Lymphedema/Lipedema has made my legs grossly disfigured. It is hard to be confident when you do not feel comfortable in who you are or how you look. I try to give up and in, but the wonderful people that God has placed in my life at this time have amazing nagging skills and I am not strong enough to press against what they enforce.
Those who walk around with lymphedema, Lipedema and the likes know exactly what I’m talking about. Right now I feel like I am about 5 minutes from giving up. The good thing is-- in another couple of weeks I will write again…which simply means that I’m still holding on (smile).
This is life with lymphedema, this is my life, and this is my song…for now.
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