I am a bit discouraged at this time and have been for quite a while. There are days that I wake up knowing that I will be healed of this dreadful condition, then there are other days that I have no hope at all.
The good thing is I have kept up appearance as though the world was/is my oyster. But the pain is more than I can bare. A friend said to me, you never talk about your pain unless I ask--well the reason is I can't do anything about it. After awhile it's just blah blah blah. Nobody wants to hear that all the time. So I do what I do best...press on.
I wore a skirt on News Years day (smirk). I said to myself I was starting the year off accepting my fate, but the truth is; it was almost a statement of defeat. I felt like I didn't care anymore. I can't give up now. It's too early in the game. I have only been diagnosed for less that 4 years, there are people who have lived with this all of their lives.
Now for those of you who know me, you know my faith is stronger than that; certainly larger than a mustard seed. Sometimes I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will be healed, then other times I feel like I just can't hold on. Oh I wish you all really knew me. One day you will be able to look in my eyes and see beyond my smile at the blue tears that steam down my face, hidden by a light that protects me.
But I'm going to be ok. I don't have a choice. I can't give up yet, there are people watching.
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