...and yet another discovery on the life long journey of lymphedema. The holidays have come and gone and the sad sad memory of it remains. My new-est discovery is that my legs simply cannot bare the cold. It feels like a razor cutting through my legs almost all the time. as Iwrite this with great sadness I'm thinking about my family tradition of getting together Christmas Eve, with the children opening gifts and just the laughter and comfort of being with loved ones. Only this time there was a difference. I was in excruciating pain so I sat in one spot with a big smile on my face and tried to enjoy the evening...which I did, sort of. I am starting to see the reality of this thing called lymphedema, my life will not be the same.
I'm starting to think of my future and wondering who if anyone will be able to help me take care of myself. Notice I didn't say take care of me, so far I do not envision me being totally helpless but my thoughts of Disney World are fading quickly. I think I mentioned before Disney World is my favorite place on earth (smile). I have begun having panic attacks again (they subsided for about a year or so) and at the end of it all I am still alone. Can you imagine how frightening this is? To jump out of bed in fear and land on my feet and can't go anywhere because my legs hurt to bad too run or walk for that matter. So now I think, what if there is a fire or an emergency and yes you guessed it... another panic attack.
I sit at my desk with a personal heater just on my legs, because they are freezing ALL the time. I come home and lay in bed with extra covers over my legs...this is so hard. But to the world around me I am doing so well.
So as the beauty of winter settles in, I do all but scream!
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