I remember someone with lympedema telling me about MLD. This was before I started my initial therapy and I had much anxiety regarding what was to come. She said "it's really not that bad, in fact it feels good, it just feels good having someone touch you, having someone touch your legs and not be judgmental and actually understanding your pain, emotional and physical." I remember those words as if they were said to me yesterday. She also explained how in a strange way being bandaged (eight layers per leg) would give me relief...how true, oh how true.
Recently, I began to realize that this is really taking a toll on me. Every aspect of my life involves some form of public presentation. I find that I am beginning to become more self conscious, it is affecting my ministry, my personality and my social life. I have never in my life been afraid to speak or sing in front of an audience. Now I dread it. I have never considered myself the most fashionable person, but now most of my attention is divided between can they see my legs and the actual pain, this leaves very little of my attention going actually on ministry or presentation. This is not good.
I jokingly call my bandaging "birth control" but there is truth in jest.
I feel like I am in the dark, waiting on some form of light. I can see the light ahead, but in the darkness I remain. For those of you that want to try to read something into this, it is really just as stated. nothing spiritual. I am expressing my feelings regarding my condition, physical and emotional. Lymphedema is like a roller coaster and today it is not a good ride, in fact it never is. I HATE ROLLER COASTERS!
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