I sat at my computer staring at the screen but nothing came to mind, no actually a lot came to mind in fact much more than I could articulate. I felt it wasn't fair to write because I am not feeling very "positive" or inspiring today. I didn't want to write because I am angry, sad, frustrated and depressed and I didn't think it was right to subject the readers to this madness. But this is the true face of lymphedema.
In case you haven't guessed I had another set back. But, if I'm going to journal this thing you have to have the positive as well as the negative. So here goes...
I think I mentioned that I have had both legs "wrapped" for some time now. Two days ago I had the joy of having my left leg unwrapped and I was able to live freely for about 2 days, using compression garments ( a thick stocking that goes from toes to knee) (for me). I think I mentioned before that you know your body. With that said, I "figured" the stocking would not be the correct one and wah laaaahhh. It did not work for me. When I saw it I thought here we go again. Although I enjoyed the temporary freedom of sleeping bare legged I knew and I felt the leg swelling during the day. So long story short, both of my legs are once again wrapped and I hate it. I hate trying to get around, I hate worrying about what people say and think, I hate that I want to just stay in the bed, I hate that I am about to turn 46 and I feel like I am 60. I worked hard at this, and I am tired. Tired of working, tired of hurting, tired of limping, tired of complaining and talking about it. But something inside of me keeps saying don't give up. sometimes it is a small voice and other times it feels like a Drill Sergeant shouting to me and at me DON'T GIVE UP! Have you ever felt like you were at the end of the rope hanging on to a knot made by man that may slip at any moment? Well that's me right now holding on. It's kind of strange how one can go from feeling encouraged to feeling doomed in a day.
In case you haven't guessed I had another set back. But, if I'm going to journal this thing you have to have the positive as well as the negative. So here goes...
I think I mentioned that I have had both legs "wrapped" for some time now. Two days ago I had the joy of having my left leg unwrapped and I was able to live freely for about 2 days, using compression garments ( a thick stocking that goes from toes to knee) (for me). I think I mentioned before that you know your body. With that said, I "figured" the stocking would not be the correct one and wah laaaahhh. It did not work for me. When I saw it I thought here we go again. Although I enjoyed the temporary freedom of sleeping bare legged I knew and I felt the leg swelling during the day. So long story short, both of my legs are once again wrapped and I hate it. I hate trying to get around, I hate worrying about what people say and think, I hate that I want to just stay in the bed, I hate that I am about to turn 46 and I feel like I am 60. I worked hard at this, and I am tired. Tired of working, tired of hurting, tired of limping, tired of complaining and talking about it. But something inside of me keeps saying don't give up. sometimes it is a small voice and other times it feels like a Drill Sergeant shouting to me and at me DON'T GIVE UP! Have you ever felt like you were at the end of the rope hanging on to a knot made by man that may slip at any moment? Well that's me right now holding on. It's kind of strange how one can go from feeling encouraged to feeling doomed in a day.
My legs are so heavy, oh did I mention that I am also an asthmatic, which along with the weather changes (spring) the extra struggles physically as well as mentally cause me to become "short winded" and wheeze day and night- adding yet another "weight" (no pun intended) on my already over burdened shoulders. Come on now enough is enough!!! How much is one person supposed to endure???
Looking for the positive---1)This too shall pass, 2) my right leg is doing well (still wrapped) but doing well.
Whatever!
Looking for the positive---1)This too shall pass, 2) my right leg is doing well (still wrapped) but doing well.
Whatever!
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