My Left Leg - A Walk with Lymphedema

The weather is changing and the challenges has begun! The increased swelling, the additional pain and discomfort. This is life with Lymphedema...but the rest of the story is worth noting also. Sometimes we get so caught up in the struggles of day to day life, that we do not recognize the little things that makes life so beautiful. I just returned from a short trip. For over a month I dreaded going simply because I knew what I would face as far as my legs were concerned. I did all the things that I'm supposed to do. I wrapped my legs (all eight layers) 24 hours prior to departure, I did the breathing excercises, pumped (used the machine)daily, and prepared mentally for what was to come. Now this was just a 4 hour ride but all of the above is abosolutely necessary. What I did not anticipate was the embarrasment. I was with people that I was completely comfortable with...so I thought. I struggled with getting in and out of the vehicle, keeping up, as well as walking. Pride would not allow me to ask for help, special attention or assistance. Everything they did I was right there. For I cannot show all my cards, weakness is not flattering. Then there was an opportunity to go shopping...this I could not do. As it turned out no one went. But the anticipation that I felt, trying to figure out how I would tell the group that I couldn't go, without wimping out. This was actually an eye opener for me. I realized that I have not "arrived". I'm still very self conteous, and have not accepted my situation (will I ever?). There are no "real" answers. I will never be comfortable with this (tearing up). In all this I still see the wonders of God, I still feel his hands on me and his presence in my life. I recognize that life will have it's challenges, as I face this time in my life, I have to contually focus on the positive. Sometimes it's hard to identify the positives in our lives, but they are there and it's worth the extra effort to seek them out and admire them, acknowlege that you are on your way through this struggle. We do not know how this will end. Will there be a cure? Will the pain ever cease? Will this disease ever be understood by the medical field, will I ever understand? So many questions and not enough answers. Some things I will never understand. But what I do know is that God is greater than anything that I go through. Suffering is not designated to me alone. I think about the woman with the issue of blood in the Bible, I think about Paul and the thorns in his side. "This is my thorn".