I call this photo "New Life".
I met a woman with lymphedema who appears to have totally accepted her condition . She wears dresses, Capri pants, speaks very openly and has the basic attitude "I am what I am". I have a certain amount of admiration for her...I'm just not there yet.
As the weather starts to change, I find myself thinking about all the things that I can no longer do, that I use to love so much like bowling, walking on the beach, swimming. I don't feel sorry for myself, I'm just frustrated. Ok here's the deal, the women's ministry at my church will be going bowling, it was not very long ago that I would jump at an opportunity to be with a lot of people, laughing and enjoying great company. Now the backdrop of the canvas has changed, less laughter, very self conscious and a bit nervous (not too sure what I'm nervous about). I am struggling with whether or not I will attend. I would feel a little better if I had someone that I trust to go with me, but I don't so...
I am making a lot of progress, but I have a long long ways to go. I seriously wonder if I have it in me. I am not the fighter that people think I am, I just look good in the ring. But when the gloves are off the real me can be seen...in the dark. Lymphedema is a heck of an opponent, every time I think I have it conquered...I get sucker punched and return home to nurse my own wounds.
I don't cry anymore, it serves no purpose. I just grab my ovaries, stand tall, look at my legs and walk. Until I get knocked down again. Just know that there has been no TKO! This fight isn't over till the fat lady sing...and I already have the song picked out!
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